Friday, March 20, 2009

F-Word Fridays: The Big Dance

As promised, this week we’re tackling one of the big questions of any wedding: the first dance. And yes, we’re doing this on the week when March Madness, that other big dance, kicks off. Maggie and I have been discussing the song choice off and on for awhile, and one might say there’s a lack of consensus thus far. So in an effort to pay homage to one of great sports weekends of any year, we’re going after this with an old fashioned, eight team bracket, complete with four regions featuring one of Maggie’s choices for first song against one of mine. For the record, each one of Maggie’s songs has appeared on a mix she’s given me, so you know I’m not making any of this up.

Region I (or as I like to call it: The Night We Met Region):

Maggie: Alright Tonight – James Blunt
Sample Lyric:
Do you want this one-night stand?
Let’s take a risk and go play in the sand.

Sooooo….I think Maggie has mentioned this before, but the night we met, she was, um, difficult. Occasionally impolite. Sometimes flirtatious, often scathing. But I managed to steal a makeout at the end of the night, much to my surprise. One glance at this selection though, and I think we know why I got a little. Turns out she was looking for something more?! It didn’t go any further that first night though, because…

Trevor: We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Not a word, from your lips.
You just took for granted that I’d want to skinny dip.
A quick hit, that’s your game.
But I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain.

…baby needs to be romanced, pure and simple. Also, did you watch the video? Watch the video. It's four minutes and 15 seconds of pure Awesome.

Region II (or as I like to call it: The Forgetting Sarah Marshall Region)

Maggie: Dracula’s Lament – Jason Segal
Sample Lyric:
And if I see Van Helsing I swear to the Lord I will slay Him.
He would take you from me, but I swear I won’t let it be so.

Blood will run down his face when he is decapitated;
His head on my mantle is how I will let this world know….how much I love you

You might not have guessed, because it’s a pretty wholesome blog, but Maggie’s got kind of a freaky side, knowwhati’msayin? Imagine that sung as a dramatic broadway ballad in a faux-Transylvanian accent. Total crowd-pleaser.

Trevor: Inside of You – Infant Sorrow
Sample Lyric:
And the world explodes
I’ve never been down this road
Teach me how to grow when I’m moving Inside of You

I’m sorry, what was your question? Define “romance” in 20 words or less? Um, pretty sure I just took care of that, thanks. I mean, I know this is a wedding blog, and so there is basically no male readership (hi Zack!), but seriously dudes, if you googled “March Madness” and wound up here by accident, you just hit the jackpot. Pick up some Whole Foods takeout for two with tiramisu for dessert, go home and light some candles, throw on this song, incorporate some Russell Brand pelvic thrusting for added seduction, and when she finally lets you up for air Sunday afternoon, take 60 seconds to come back here and say thank you in the comments section.

Region III (or as I like to call it: The Stuff You Didn’t Listen To Before We Met Region)

Maggie: There is a Light That never Goes Out – The Smiths
Sample Lyric:
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

And while we’re doling out advice to demographics that will never see it here, here’s something for all you early teenage boys out there. You know that girl in your homeroom who’s definitely hot and super smart but kind of dresses down because she thinks dressing for boys is pathetic and reads a beaten-up paperback at lunch that's not on any syllabus by an author you’ve never heard of and you really want to know more about her but you’re totally intimidated? Here’s a glimpse into what happens when she goes home from school: She’s in her room pretty much the whole night. Periodically she yells out things like “MOM, is it really so difficult to knock first???” At any given moment, there’s a 70% chance she’s listening to side B of The Queen is Dead. And at some point in the night, either when talking on the phone to her best friend or writing in her journal, she will lament that the only two boys who “really get” her are: the guy she made out with for three days at the beach last summer who lives four states away and when it's really dark looks kinda sorta like Jordan Catalano; and Morrissey.

Trevor: Whatever You Like - T.I.
Sample Lyric:
Stacks on deck, Patron on Ice
We can pop bottles all night
Baby you can have whatever you like

It’s a little known fact that hip hop is huge in prep schools. It’s true. My high school alone had The Chronic halfway to platinum by the Spring of 1993. I think it’s because when people who can’t sing try to, they know they sound awful, but when people who can’t rap try to, they think they sound good because everyone knows that rappers might as well be tone deaf too. Plus, it’s so much more fun to know all the words to "Nuthin’ but a G Thang" than it is to know the words to "Ants Marching." But really, the perfect storm is when hip hop artists who can’t sing try to…then you’ve given people who can’t sing an excuse to go all out because the artist can’t sing either. Win-win. Maggie, for example, has never been much for the genre, but I sing the chorus of this song to her at least once a day, and she can’t get enough. Thanks T.I.!

Region IV (or as I like to call it: The Old Standbys Region)

Maggie: The Promise - When in Rome
Sample Lyric:
I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will

Sweet, sensitive, and totally catchy. An absolute classic. Used flawlessly in Napoleon Dynamite, which works well here because of the huge sleeves on Maggie's wedding dress, and because I hired Deb to shoot the wedding so we could cut down on expenses.

Trevor: Laid - James
Sample Lyric:
Dressed me up in womens clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Maybe one of the best 10 pop songs of all time. And it's really a perfect wedding song, when you think about shows you're prepared for the highs and lows, that you understand the importance of keeping the heat in the bedroom, and that there's nothing wrong with therapy and/or boys wearing mascara. Plus, the song's called Laid for god sakes. Isn't that why people get married in the first place?


Maggie said...

These polls are so much fun :-)

1. What could be more appropriate than an '80s celebration of chastity at our wedding? Count me in, especially if you copy his hair.

2. "DRACULA MUSIC!!!!!!"

3. A classic Smiths love song against the cutest song you sing? This is a tough one. I'm going to have to mull my vote.

4. Glamour Shots by Deb at our wedding?! I KNEW there was a reason I'm marrying you.

MB said...

Totally hilarious, Trevor! Maybe Deb can throw in some of her handmade keychains as an added bonus.

Anna said...

SOOO funny, you two. This is definitely a match made in heaven.

Kate said...

there are no words for this type of funny! Seriously, I think I pees the bed. And I'm scaring the dog.

Lisa Dyson said...

How many times can I vote for the Dracula song!?!?!? I am really hoping to find out exactly how you dance to such a tune, but I'm a little nervous that watching you guys try really would make me laugh so hard that my water would break for sure!!!!!!!!!!

Once A Bride said...

This post is just one example of why this blog is AWESOME.

Heather the bridesmaid said...

OMG - this was great! I will say Region III is a tie for me. T - you know I love me some hip hop but There Is a Light That Never Goes Out is quintessential Maggie! Total toss up. Similar feeling for Region IV but I'm a huge James fan so I had to vote for Laid. Looking forward to hearing what you actually pick :)