A ceremony fit to print

I *adored* our programs. Just adored them. You remembered our inspiration and the resulting ABCD design? Here's how they looked once they were ribbon-bound and ready to go - letterpressed with cornflower blue and red on the outside, bound with red and white printed cotton ribbon, and printed in navy blue inside:


And as a way to explain our ceremony structure, let's take a peek inside, shall we? Setting the tone right away, Edna St. Vincent Millay:

(click for larger images throughout)


Turning the page, a two-page spread laying out who's who:



Next up, our ceremony structure... We had two types of music during the ceremony: a bagpiper and a violinist. The bagpiper led the guys into the ceremony with the classic "Scotland the Brave." For the girls, we switched to my cousin Zoe on violin, who played The Beatles' "All You Need is Love," and as expected, the song made everyone grin (or so I hear... I was hiding out back!). When it was my turn, I had one parent on each arm and we walked in to U2's "All I Want Is You" on violin, which is just beautiful as an instrumental, and gives me an appropriately cheesy heart-swelling wedding sensation. Sigh.... And after The Kiss, we had "Brown-Haired Maiden" on bagpipes, which was fantastic.


Outside of our readings (which I'll explain next), one element we incorporated that I loved was a twist on the typical Blessing of the Marriage. Our officiant Gene (total rockstar pal... everyone at the wedding had a crush on him, also expected....) asked three groups of people in turn if they would bless our marriage. He asked our parents, our siblings, and then all the guests. Our parents' answers were serious and respectful, but still loud enough for everyone to hear. Our siblings made us laugh, because they are awesome and funny, but also because the chorus of great girls behind me gave loud excited yeses, and my poor brother, who forgot to give his blessing during our rehearsal, was stranded as the only sibling standing behind Trevor. So Trevor shifts right to see the girls say yes, and I burst out laughing and shift to my right to see if my brother will in fact say yes at the real deal, which makes him laugh, and we all have giggle fits. Then Gene asks our crowd of friends and family, "as loudly and wildly as possible," if they also bless our marriage. And the crowd did indeed go wild.


Ahh... readings. You all know my thing with words. We decided to isolate our readings on a two-page spread rather than within the ceremony in order to simplify the layout. First, Trevor's mother read "Beyond What," by Alice Walker. She killed it.

Our next reading was our big surprise to most of the guests, one that we'd been super-excited about for months. We chose twelve of our oldest friends - the friends who weren't in our wedding party because it was so small, but have been with us through thick and thin, to share in a group reading. The reading was "Love," by Roy Croft, and the effect was like a scattered chorus throughout the ceremony. Each friend had an assigned stanza, and simply stood where they were seated to read. So we had a crowd in front of us, with various loved ones popping up to read a line or two, and then someone else across the way popping up for more, and then someone else, etc. The result, for me, was magical. I loved having that moment for myself in the middle of the ceremony to see my friends - to watch them read, to see who they were seated with, to see everyone's grins, to really hear them. I've heard that it's rare to see anyone at your own ceremony - you're typically zeroed in on your partner, and that's that. So having all our fantastic friends share that moment made me feel incredibly lucky to have them in my life, and especially to have them with me that day. Twelve friends sharing one poem - pure magic.


The final page was a note from us thanking our families and honoring loved one who have passed away, but it also included something unique to us. Given that we gave everyone Welcome Bags and had a big wedding weekend versus a single event, we decided early on that we wouldn't have official "favors," and instead would give a donation to an organization that meant something to us both. In the end, we decided on two organizations. The Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer Foundation is an organization close to the heart of Trevor's family, so it was a no-brainer. But as a way to honor the struggles for marriage equality going on for gays and lesbians and to respect their fight to be allowed to do what was so easy for us, we also wanted to make a more pointed, political donation to their cause. Here's the wording we came up with: "We've also made a contribution to Freedom to Marry, because if we can get married - and to each other, no less - then everyone else should be allowed to as well." Enough said.



One surprisingly (for us) modest kiss later, and that was all she wrote :-).

F-Word Fridays: Men in Skirts

Before my maternal grandfather passed away in 2001, he and his two sons had an annual tradition. They, along with whichever older male cousins were handy, would pose for a picture at whatever family function worked best. They'd all be wearing kilts, and the photo would inevitably become a joke holiday card which read "Merry Christmas, from Men in Skirts".

I don't remember there being much celebration of my mother's Scottish heritage in my youth, but somewhere along the way, her side of the family embraced it fully. There were trips to the Highlands for Clan Cameron reunions. An uncle used his spare time to work up a detailed family genealogy that went back generations, and predictably to Scotland. And most of the men were married (well, re-married) wearing kilts. I myself don't have one. My grandfather offered to have a kilt made for me as a college graduation present, but for one reason or another it never happened. Which is why I'm wearing his seersucker suit instead.

All this also explains why we're having a bagpiper at the wedding. Of all the elements we're incorporating into the weekend, this is the one that puts the biggest smile on my mother's face. He'll play "Scotland the Brave" when my groomsmen and I make our way to the altar, and he's going to play "Brown Haired Maiden" when we walk back down the aisle at the end of the ceremony. Since the ceremony is outdoors, he's actually going to march me and the groomsmen to the altar from about 50 yards away, and keep playing as he disappears over the dunes and down the beach. Later, after he's played us back down the aisle, he's going to lead our guests from the ceremony to the reception across the street.

I think the whole thing will be a nice touch, and memorable on a day that will no doubt be full of things worth remembering. Plus, it seems appropriate to have at least one man there in a skirt...

Ode to the mix tape

You've heard that the F-Word and I like to make each other mixes. This is an old habit for me. Back in the day, you couldn't beat a mix tape (CD? I don't think so.) for expressing moments or sentiments. Words just... failed. Even for me. I'd labor over the songs, sitting up all night in my room and perfecting the exact moment when you press Play and Record at the same time and hope the resulting recording isn't too jarring before your song of choice begins. It was an art form, and while the moments of Play + Record are sadly ancient history, compilations will never die.

And yet, the swan song of the tape just won't quit.

I used to make collages on the covers of my mix tapes, carefully cutting out the perfect image or phrase that could add to the whimsical whole. I still have a major thing for collage art, and it's completely due to my old mix tape covers. The last true mix tape I ever made? "Love, Loss, and Lust: Valentine's Day 1998." I made one for each of my girlfriends, and the covers were a funky mix of pink and red hearts, ironic given that folks like the Smiths and Dylan lived inside.

A year ago, T and I read Love Is A Mix Tape: Life and Loss, One Song At A Time together. I say "together" because we read it one after another, but during both spells took to reading from it aloud. This story captures the beauty and terror of falling in love, and in equal measure the terror of having that love torn away from you, and the quiet beauty that comes with healing. All set to music, of course. To the couple who takes to speaking to each other in "High Fidelity" quotes, this memoir cut right to the heart, quite literally.

So in honor of Rob and Renee (and also to the other Rob, and to Laura, Barry, and Dick), I offer Micah and Ruth. When I saw this wedding invitation suite, I stopped in my tracks, completely floored. This might be the longest preamble in the history of wedding invitation preambles to say, very simply, that I want to be friends with this couple. Micah and Ruth rock.

Studio on Fire: Mix Tape Letterpress

F-Word Fridays: The Big Dance

As promised, this week we’re tackling one of the big questions of any wedding: the first dance. And yes, we’re doing this on the week when March Madness, that other big dance, kicks off. Maggie and I have been discussing the song choice off and on for awhile, and one might say there’s a lack of consensus thus far. So in an effort to pay homage to one of great sports weekends of any year, we’re going after this with an old fashioned, eight team bracket, complete with four regions featuring one of Maggie’s choices for first song against one of mine. For the record, each one of Maggie’s songs has appeared on a mix she’s given me, so you know I’m not making any of this up.


Region I (or as I like to call it: The Night We Met Region):

Maggie: Alright Tonight – James Blunt
Sample Lyric:
Do you want this one-night stand?
Let’s take a risk and go play in the sand.

Sooooo….I think Maggie has mentioned this before, but the night we met, she was, um, difficult. Occasionally impolite. Sometimes flirtatious, often scathing. But I managed to steal a makeout at the end of the night, much to my surprise. One glance at this selection though, and I think we know why I got a little. Turns out she was looking for something more?! It didn’t go any further that first night though, because…

Trevor: We Don’t Have to Take Our Clothes Off – Jermaine Stewart
Not a word, from your lips.
You just took for granted that I’d want to skinny dip.
A quick hit, that’s your game.
But I’m not a piece of meat, stimulate my brain.

…baby needs to be romanced, pure and simple. Also, did you watch the video? Watch the video. It's four minutes and 15 seconds of pure Awesome.




Region II (or as I like to call it: The Forgetting Sarah Marshall Region)

Maggie: Dracula’s Lament – Jason Segal
Sample Lyric:
And if I see Van Helsing I swear to the Lord I will slay Him.
He would take you from me, but I swear I won’t let it be so.
Blood will run down his face when he is decapitated;
His head on my mantle is how I will let this world know….how much I love you

You might not have guessed, because it’s a pretty wholesome blog, but Maggie’s got kind of a freaky side, knowwhati’msayin? Imagine that sung as a dramatic broadway ballad in a faux-Transylvanian accent. Total crowd-pleaser.

Trevor: Inside of You – Infant Sorrow
Sample Lyric:
And the world explodes
I’ve never been down this road
Teach me how to grow when I’m moving Inside of You

I’m sorry, what was your question? Define “romance” in 20 words or less? Um, pretty sure I just took care of that, thanks. I mean, I know this is a wedding blog, and so there is basically no male readership (hi Zack!), but seriously dudes, if you googled “March Madness” and wound up here by accident, you just hit the jackpot. Pick up some Whole Foods takeout for two with tiramisu for dessert, go home and light some candles, throw on this song, incorporate some Russell Brand pelvic thrusting for added seduction, and when she finally lets you up for air Sunday afternoon, take 60 seconds to come back here and say thank you in the comments section.



Region III (or as I like to call it: The Stuff You Didn’t Listen To Before We Met Region)

Maggie: There is a Light That never Goes Out – The Smiths
Sample Lyric:
And if a ten-ton truck
Kills the both of us
To die by your side, well the pleasure, the privilege is mine

And while we’re doling out advice to demographics that will never see it here, here’s something for all you early teenage boys out there. You know that girl in your homeroom who’s definitely hot and super smart but kind of dresses down because she thinks dressing for boys is pathetic and reads a beaten-up paperback at lunch that's not on any syllabus by an author you’ve never heard of and you really want to know more about her but you’re totally intimidated? Here’s a glimpse into what happens when she goes home from school: She’s in her room pretty much the whole night. Periodically she yells out things like “MOM, is it really so difficult to knock first???” At any given moment, there’s a 70% chance she’s listening to side B of The Queen is Dead. And at some point in the night, either when talking on the phone to her best friend or writing in her journal, she will lament that the only two boys who “really get” her are: the guy she made out with for three days at the beach last summer who lives four states away and when it's really dark looks kinda sorta like Jordan Catalano; and Morrissey.

Trevor: Whatever You Like - T.I.
Sample Lyric:
Stacks on deck, Patron on Ice
We can pop bottles all night
Baby you can have whatever you like

It’s a little known fact that hip hop is huge in prep schools. It’s true. My high school alone had The Chronic halfway to platinum by the Spring of 1993. I think it’s because when people who can’t sing try to, they know they sound awful, but when people who can’t rap try to, they think they sound good because everyone knows that rappers might as well be tone deaf too. Plus, it’s so much more fun to know all the words to "Nuthin’ but a G Thang" than it is to know the words to "Ants Marching." But really, the perfect storm is when hip hop artists who can’t sing try to…then you’ve given people who can’t sing an excuse to go all out because the artist can’t sing either. Win-win. Maggie, for example, has never been much for the genre, but I sing the chorus of this song to her at least once a day, and she can’t get enough. Thanks T.I.!



Region IV (or as I like to call it: The Old Standbys Region)

Maggie: The Promise - When in Rome
Sample Lyric:
I'm sorry but I'm just thinking of the right words to say
I know they don't sound the way I planned them to be
But if you wait around awhile I'll make you fall for me
I promise, I promise you I will

Sweet, sensitive, and totally catchy. An absolute classic. Used flawlessly in Napoleon Dynamite, which works well here because of the huge sleeves on Maggie's wedding dress, and because I hired Deb to shoot the wedding so we could cut down on expenses.

Trevor: Laid - James
Sample Lyric:
Dressed me up in womens clothes
Messed around with gender roles
Dye my eyes and call me pretty

Maybe one of the best 10 pop songs of all time. And it's really a perfect wedding song, when you think about it...it shows you're prepared for the highs and lows, that you understand the importance of keeping the heat in the bedroom, and that there's nothing wrong with therapy and/or boys wearing mascara. Plus, the song's called Laid for god sakes. Isn't that why people get married in the first place?

F-Word Fridays: On the Ones and Twos

About a month after we met, Maggie and I had our first agreement. Not our first disagreement. That was the night we met. I mean our first agreement, our first meaningful shared opinion. It was about a song.

Shortly thereafter, we started giving each other music….I gave her a copy of my favorite album of 2005, and she responded with a goofy, eclectic mix filled with stuff I’d never heard that had me grinning and drumming on my steering wheel in no time. We realized that, minus a few exceptions, we had mostly similar tastes but somehow listened to mostly different bands. We kept on giving each other mixes, and still do. And they never disappoint. Maggie gave me my latest one earlier this week, in fact (and as per normus, it’s excellent. As for "as per normus," I just made that up, so don’t go using it around your scholarly friends). What’s more, we both love live music, and Dallas has some great small venues. In particular, I/we highly recommend The Palladium, The Granada, and HOB*, where we’ve been privy to more than our fair share of great shows over the past few years: Dylan, Morrissey, Counting Crows, Bloc Party, The Shins, The Bravery, Iron and Wine, Of Montreal, and maybe a dozen more, all with 500 or fewer people in the crowd. I’d go so far as to say the live music scene is our favorite thing about Dallas.

So, given our ingrained love of live music, we made the obvious choice when it came to our reception band: we hired a DJ. Because there are no bands on the Outer Banks full time, and paying to bring one in is obscenely expensive, we went with Soundwavz (love the spelling btw….they sound like a fictional band Zach and Kelly would have formed on Saved By the Bell). They were the DJ company that everyone recommended. Which isn’t saying much, since everyone in the Outer Banks Wedding Mafia recommends everyone else in the Outer Banks Wedding Mafia. And as far as I can tell, Don from Soundwavz is the Marlon Brando of the Outer Banks Wedding Mafia.

Long story short, we’re in charge of being very explicit about what songs we do not want to hear (there are many), and which gimmicks we actually want the DJ to employ (there are very, very few. Like maybe one). And by "we," I mean me, because Maggie has 412 other details to worry about, and I want to make sure I continue to do my .0024% part of making this wedding come together. So I’m pretty much going to put together a four-hour Maggie and Trevor Wedding Mix. It’s not easy. As John Cusack said in High Fidelity, “the making of a good compilation tape is a very subtle art. Many do’s and don’ts. ” But I’m on it, because as a rule I don’t trust wedding DJs. Even when he’s the head of the Outer Banks Wedding Mafia. Maybe we should have bought an Ipod instead…

[Voiceover: On next week’s all new F-Word Friday, Trevor takes a look at some possible choices for the first dance, March Madness bracket style. There might even be the potential for some reader participation, if he can figure out how to add a poll on Blogger. All this and more, next week on F-Word Friday...]

*The only thing that sucks about these shows is that they all seem more inclined to email your tickets rather than mail actual ones, so no fun ticket stubs to stumble across months and years later.

Wedding band crush

This image has nothing in common with our wedding, I'm afraid. But oh how I wish it did...

So lovely. From A Wedding Cabaret.

Happy Valentine's Day!

My card to the F-Word, from one of my favorites, Egg Press:















Our V-Day activity? Wedding bands! I think I know what I want, but who knows what'll happen once I start trying things on. T's a blank slate when it comes to his ring, so this should be fun.

For Valentine's Day, a song that always makes me imagine what it would've been like to fall in love in the farm country of Bertie County, NC, where my family's from. Makes me grin every time.



Have a fantastic day full of love, everyone!

Busy bee

Busy Monday for me - breaking politics keeping me riveted, actual work to get done ;-), and lots of daydreaming about tomorrow's Bliss visit (thanks Santa!).

But for fun, here's the song I blasted on the drive to work this morning (all three miles of it - oh how lucky I am). Warning: it's been on mental repeat all day. I simply cannot get it out of my head. Play at your own risk!

The Killers - I Cant Stay - The Killers

Wedding music fantasy: Calexico

Last night we saw one of my favorite bands, Calexico, and I couldn't help but imagine the spell they'd put over our wedding in May. Press play on this song and let them carry you away...

"Your Kiss is on my List"

I love Halloween. Throughout college in Boston, my best girls and I were known for our annual Halloween party, a tradition we planned all year long. In New Mexico, I kept the tradition going for graduate school, and forced compliance of the costume rule with the dreaded "prop box" if anyone dared show up in street clothes. A little later, one of my favorite neighborhoods in downtown Albuquerque became the center of Halloween for me. As planners, my gals and I wrote about the role of the holiday to the street's sense of community. It's truly something to be seen, with each yard decorated to the nines and the street packed so full of trick-or-treaters there are lines to walk up to each house.

This year in Dallas, I'm far away from that favorite street of mine, and even farther from my college glory days haunts. But the f-word and I are doing our part to be festive. Since he routinely gets comparisons to a variety of famous people (see exhibits A, B, and C) - whereas I only ever get one - we decided that I might as well throw on a mustache and go all out, as the sidekick to his favorite lookalike. So we're Hall and Oates tonight. "No Can Do," you say? Well you can, I assure you, as long as you're willing to look completely ridiculous while doing it.

Thinking about costumes reminds me of calling my sister when we changed our wedding plans. Before I could get out the details, she said, "You're getting married in costume, aren't you?" HA! But I have to admit, I love the idea. Wearing something outlandish, all the guests wearing masks, lavish decor? I think it's the only way I could go big for a wedding. Casual, seaside nuptials... or an extravagant costume wedding. That sounds about right. :-) I wonder how many folks out there are getting married tomorrow at a traditional, sumptuous fall wedding, but going all-out with costumes tonight for their rehearsal? Anyone, anyone? Because I'm jealous.

This one's for you, T:

Wedding music fantasy: Iron and Wine

Last night we saw two fantastic shows - Iron and Wine (a house fave) and The Swell Season. It was a pretty crummy day - and we're both sick on top of it - but we'd been looking forward to the night for ages, so we prepared to get carried away by some great music and forget about the rest of it.

Sam Beam and Glen Hansard put an absolute spell over us, which they are apt to do. Beam sparked up a discussion we like to have about fantasy wedding singers. We have fun with this debate partly because we both love live music (our Save the Dates, anyone?), but also because we actually know someone who tried to price out the Dave Matthews Band for their wedding several years ago.

Our fantasy wedding singer list always varies, from the classic - Van Morrison - to the weird - paying homage to my gloomy beach music of teen years past and the weird way it makes me happy via Robert Smith or Morrissey. (I mean really, the delicious irony of lovelorn depressed singers at a wedding?!) The truth is, there aren't really any bands out on the Outer Banks anyway, so we're having a DJ. But last night, we were happy imagining the possibilities of the dreamy, cerebral contentment that Mr. Sam Beam and his band Iron and Wine could bring to our hitching. See why for yourself: