F-Word Fridays: Oh, Like You've Never Done It...

O. M. G. there's something I have to tell you, but you CANNOT tell anyone!! No, I'm serious, this is really a real secret. Because it's embarrassing! This is bad, even for me....I totally can't believe I did it. Actually never mind, I can't tell you. Nope. Because! Because. Because I'm ashamed, ok? I was only gonna tell you because I got busted for it this morning, and that jackass Kevin in accounting probably already put it on his Facebook status. What? No it's not ok if you friend him. Jesus. OKOKFINE, fine whatever, I'll tell you. Wait no, no I can't. Because! O-KAY! Fine, whatever, god. But you have to come closer....I can't even bring myself to say this above a whisper.

I went to a tanning salon last night.

I know! I know....I told you it was ridiculous. Um, because I had no choice, obvs. Have you been outside lately? Lemme answer that one for you....um, no, you haven't, because it's rained for like two straight months here. No! I'm only going to go a few times, it's not like I want to look like a Mavs Dancer. I just need a base, cuz you know i burn sooooo easily, and it's pretty freakin' tacky to get married with a sunburn, especially at a beach wedding. Besides, seersucker kind of washes people out sometimes, and obviously I'm a little bit porcelain anyway, and with a tan my eyes will totally pop. The salon? Yeah, it was pretty clean, I guess. I mean it didn't smell like body spray or anything...I definitely got dummer listening to the two girls behind the counter, though. They were tragic. Who, Kevin? Oh, he totally busted me when I was stretching and he saw how pink the underside of my arms were. Yeah it was pretty bad. Whatever, it'll totally fade into a nice bronze by the weekend.