Something has been bothering me in wedding bloglandia, folks. From my comfy yet busy perch seven weeks out from my own wedding, I'm noticing a lot of judgment flying around on my Google Reader. What's especially problematic is how much of this judgment is cloaked in non-judgmental robes.
Here's the thing. Any sane and goodhearted person would never look down upon or deride a small-budget wedding for what it lacked. Why, then, is it so popular to make fun of weddings that cost more than we want to spend, or incorporated elements that are outside our own priorities? I'm not talking about "Platinum Weddings," either. I mean weddings with matching decor, or weddings with DIY details that took time and effort and amounted to real cost savings, or weddings that came to fruition through the help of a binder featuring inspiration photos, vendor contracts, RSVP lists, and the like? These are not outrageous elements if they represent who the couple is and if said couple enjoys such details.
Personally, I think of wedding blogs as a resource for inspiration as well as implementation. Much of what's out there doesn't appeal to me; much of it does but is either out of our budget or not quite right for our wedding; some of it is fantastic. What's helpful or not is different to each of us, and honestly, isn't it better that way? Take inspiration where you will, tweak it to suit you, and keep moving. Just because a blog continues to spotlight invitations after you've already selected or made yours, or is showing new DIY projects after your slate is full, doesn't mean it's time for an identity crisis. Don't we have a little more confidence than that?
I think weddings have more potential to be personal now than ever. More and more, couples are ditching the traditions that don't speak to them, infusing the event with their personality, and throwing a wedding that could be no one else's. That's a great thing. We should celebrate such differences.
This wedding the two of us are having? It's not right for you. It's right for us. And it's not a cookie-cutter wedding. It's not a budget wedding. It's not a DIY wedding. It's not a traditional wedding. It's not an indie wedding. It's a little of all of those things, shaped as strangely as we are. Both of my parents are walking me down the aisle, we're honoring LGBT struggles for marriage equality in our own way, our ceremony will be interactive and funny, we love our readings, and we have quirky invitations that could be no one else's but our own. Also? The wedding will match, and I will be wearing a white dress, and I'll also be rocking expensive red shoes. Not because I feel like I have to, but because I want to. Those choices don't make me better or worse than you, but they're my choices. And the only priorities that matter are those of the two people getting married.
Back to basics, then: What kind of wedding do you want to throw? How do you want to say I Do? What inspires you out there? How will your wedding reflect your priorities? None of us are the same, nor should we be. Judging others for having different priorities than yours regarding their own wedding is the kind of commentary I'm really not very interested in reading.
Tuesday, April 7, 2009
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19 comments:
just came across your blog and couldn't agree more with what you said! we love personal touches and plan to have a lot of DIY projects at our wedding. my cousin is helping with the "graphic design" stuff!
i'll be coming back more often to read along. :)
You say it ever so much more eloquently than I ever could... but my sentiments EXACTLY!
Thank you! Thank you thank you thank you!! This is exactly what has been stressing me out lately!
I was thinking the same thing today. Thanks for posting. Some days all I can do to escape the hospital is to think about my wedding, and some days my wedding is revolting compared to the human drama of the hospital. But it's mine, and it's a metaphor for my life and my relationship with my fiance. It is messy, strange, and beautiful. And I wish the exact same thing for every other bride out there. That you keep on fighting to love yourself and your choices as much as you love your fiance, your family, and your rocking red shoes.
You said it when I couldn't. That is always my point. Thank you!
I think I might have missed all that 'drama' but I couldn't agree with you more. Each of us, our style is so varied and different that there's bound to be something you like and also, something that you won't like.
I don't know what our wedding is going to be like yet but it'll definitely be us. Kooky with a touch of class maybe??
I'm past the wedding planning stage, and honestly, never blogged about it...but I agree just in general with all blogs.
Oh, both of my parents walked me down the aisle too...and I had a Catholic wedding :)
How true! And how well put!
Also...if you don't mind sharing, how did you decide to walk with both of your parents down the aisle? I kind of want my mom to be part of that, but don't want my dad to miss out on something "traditional" that is "just for him"...
If you would prefer you could email me at ameliamarie23 at yahoo dot com
Amelia - I don't mind sharing at all. In fact, I already have! I wrote about it here.
Well said! I was just married in February and we did the same sort of thing, our wedding was a bit of all of the things you mentioned and I did a bunch of stuff on my own. What I noticed in all the planning is that people become offended by what you choose not to do because they think that you are saying that because they did it, they are wrong. For instance, I chose not to have a wedding band, for lots of reasons, but mostly because my engagement ring felt so special that I didn't want to wear anything else...you wouldn't believe the people who made "suggestions" on where I could get a cheap one or what style I could wear, as if my not getting a wedding band was saying that I thought that they were wrong for having one. Same with the fact that I didn't wear a veil, we didn't have a wedding party or a cake (we did brownies) - people were even competitive and odd about us planning the wedding in 5 months, as if we were saying they were wrong for taking a year. In the end we loved our weddng, I felt amazingly beautiful without a veil, still felt married without a wedding band and when our photographer blogged about our wedding they called it "intimate and focused on close friends and family" - EXACTLY what we wanted. Our close friends and family called it the best party they had been to in years - EXACTLY what we wanted. So my advice, stay strong, do what's important to you, understand that people will be offended by what you omit or what traditions you thumb your nose at...don't sweat it. What matters in the end is that you are married and no cake or veil or wedding band will help that marriage be a happy and fulfilling one, only you and your partner in crime can do that ;). Good luck in the final weeks of your planning, and this advice is common, but on the big day, find time to stand aside and take it all in...it goes by so quickly! Oh seeing the pictures after is amazing, you will LOVE seeing you and your groom so incredibly happy :)!
Have you ever wondered why there are so many wedding dresses out there? So many different styles? ... well exactly as you said it, we all have our own ideas, our own styles. Just b/c it ain't mine don't make it wrong... it just makes it different! AND YAY! for different in my opinion! Love what you had to say! Great words!
RelentlessBride
well said!
I couldn't agree more! Weddings should be about celebrating a couple's unique relationship, which means that every one is going to be just a little different -- that's what makes them great! And weddings that cost a lot of money can be just as great...just with a bigger price tag! Same for any other "unusual" choice. I can't tell you how many people have been horrified that I have charcoal as one of my wedding colors. Because we'll never have a happy marriage with such a "depressing" color in our wedding? (for the record, I think gray is soothing, not depressing) I don't get it. Be happy with your own choices, and be happy for the choices others make, even if they're not the same as yours!
sing it, sister! there's nothing worse than having your wedding the way "they" (the world, your cousin, your great aunt susie, etc) think it should be done. let's hear it for truly unique weddings. has nothing to do with money, but rather expressing your commitment to each other in a way no one else could.
Wow. Incredibly WELL said!
Completely agree!!! Very well said!
AMEN!
Thanks for writing this! I sometimes start to feel bad about the effort and expense I am putting into my wedding when I read some blogs. But, the fact is, we have chosen to spend time and money on the things that matter to us. Well said!
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