Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Dear Bitchy Bridal Boutique,

I'm so sorry I decided to stop in last week. My mistake.

I'm so sorry that as a size 8, I am too "broad" to fit your idea of what a bride is supposed to look like.

I'm so sorry that you typically don't have an issue with your sample sizes fitting girls who walk into your boutique. How uncomfortable for you that I would be the first ever.

I'm so sorry that you had to struggle for ideas about what could possibly be done to make my shoulders look daintier and less "athletic" and, your favorite word again, "broad."

I'm so sorry that you felt the need to stay silent when I tried to explain that since my body is what it is - and my fiancee happens to love it - I should not try to lose my curves before the wedding or find a dress that unnecessarily contained them. That must have been awkward for you.

I'm sorry that as a "broad" girl (wait, make that "soooo broad") with boobs and hips and a butt, you had to bother explaining to me that my "choices are very limited" in the world of wedding gowns. I should have known that already.

And you know, I'm so sorry that I'm even bothering having a wedding anyway. It's pathetic, isn't it? Should someone as "broad" as me even try to look like a bride?

Finally, I'm oh so sorry that you had to waste your time helping me when there are legions of worthy brides in Dallas, TX who fit into all of your dresses perfectly. Since the sample sizes "are usually too big, not too small," please know I will not bother you again with my broadness.

One other thing, bitchy bridal store: I hate you. I'm really sorry for you that you are unable to see past something as arbitrary as a person's size in order to outfit all shapes and body types in your store. Not only are you missing out on most of womankind as customers, you're also missing out on the variety, fun, and surprise that life can offer. You will die an early death because of your small (not "broad"), clouded vision, mark my words.

Sincerely,
"Broad Bride," temporarily in Dallas, TX

10 comments:

Heather from the bar said...

hahaha oh my goodness! I can't believe they were so rude! terrible people. If I lived in Texas, I would drive by there and give them evil looks on your behalf.

Sasha said...

I'm sorry, that sucks. Even if you and Trevor know that you look good it is always a blow to have someone else imply that you don't. As if a size 8 is large anyway? Most American women would be thrilled to be an 8. I'm sticking voodoo doll pins in them right now.

Also, I'd say that you should actually send them that letter, but their calorie deprived brains probably couldn't process the message, so what would be the point?

Nancy said...

Wow. How EVIL! I can't believe you lasted for more than a minute in that place. You should've told them Northeast-style to shove it up their bony asses! I know you have it in you.

tracy said...

Don't know how you survived that, there might have been a few fists thrown if it were me...i can't imagine what they would say about me if they think you are sooo broad, considering that I am self aware enough to know I have football player-like shoulders...

Allie said...

ReDONKulous. I think you should submit this as a letter to the editor. The work of true genious.

Maggie said...

You guys crack me up - I love it!

Yesterday I actually received a thank you card from the store in the mail. As if everything's okay as long as they conform to etiquette and send me nice words on store stationery. Hello!!

GiGi said...

That is the most obnoxious thing I have EVER heard in my ENTIRE life! Did they have "perfect" aquanet sprayed boofont hair that would ignite if too close to a flame...losers!

Kate said...

oh dear! That is TERRIBLE! I am so sorry you had such a bad experience. The ladies at Warren Barron could not be farther from the snooty dallas mentality - I was very surprised myself (pleasantly so, obviously!). I would recommend them to anyone - especially if you are looking for a dress that is not a poufy-cupcake / bedazzled gown.

Kate said...

Okay, I'm reading this again... I MUST know which salon this is - I have far too many friends shopping for gowns and definitely want to steer them CLEAR away from this establishment!

Maggie @ Eat, Drink, Marry said...

Indeed. Shoot me an e-mail for the dirty details.