Showing posts with label insecurities. Show all posts
Showing posts with label insecurities. Show all posts

Monday, October 27, 2008

Insecurities: Center of Attention

I have a strange goal for our wedding day: to deflect as much attention away from myself as possible. Here's how I've finagled some spotlight-sharing so far:
  • Being walked down the aisle by both of my parents means one extra person for guests to look at besides me!

  • Having a bagpiper leading the groom and his crew to their positions means I'm not the only one making an "entrance"-- thank goodness

  • My maid of honor will be so extremely pregnant, her water might just break during the ceremony - attention deflection guaranteed!
  • What's the deal here, you ask? It's not really a "shy" thing. I'm not a shy person, and compared to many of my closest friends am actually fairly extroverted. I'm a fantastic dinner party companion, for example, and can make conversation with just about anyone. I actually excel in "spotlight" situations professionally - I routinely lead public meetings and give presentations, and am just fine with it. But for whatever reason, I much prefer being a supporting member in personal situations rather than the star. I hate the idea of being thrown a surprise party, for instance - I'd much rather plan something low-key in a comfortable setting instead. And if shoes walk too "loudly," I will always nix them in the store. Same for overly-jangly bracelets, too much perfume, or talking loudly on a cell phone in a public place. In many ways, I am understated to a fault.

    Scene: Last week at a bar with one of our groomsmen.
    Groomsman: So how excited are you about the wedding?

    Me: We're really pumped! It's going to be a ton of fun.

    Groomsman: I bet you can't wait to have everyone looking at you and being all hot and stuff.

    Me: Actually, I'm kind of dreading that part. I hate the idea of everyone staring at me all day.

    [silence, confused expression]

    Me: Seriously.
    See, a wedding, to me, is not just about "The Bride." My wedding's not, anyway. (Good thing I'm marrying someone who will happily absorb any attention I'm uncomfortable with for himself. ;-) ) But seriously... I envision our wedding as a weekend full of fun activities rather than a big reveal. I'd like folks to remember our vows before they remember my dress, to remember our pre-wedding beach cookout before they remember our reception entrance, and to remember the way we looked at each other before they remember simply how I looked. That feels right to me.

    Are there any other attention-splitters out there?